Yes, that’s me according to a childless/single co-worker. It seems that I’m barbaric for telling an 8y.o. his behavior (temper tantrum really) was so out of control that I would tell the Pgm Director and his mother that they needed to pull down his pants and use my thick grommeted leather belt to tan his bottom, so he could understand the pain he was inflicting publicly on others by throwing his books around. You see, this kid threw such a temper tantrum outside the facility that when he threw his books he accidentally hurt a smaller child passing by.
I know this child. I actually taught him for 6 months when he was in Kindergarten with my son. He had issues with the teacher before me because whenever he threw a temper tantrum they would do anything to quiet him down – she eventually quit because she couldn’t deal with his behavior (he hit the teacher a couple of times). He had temper tantrums with me only twice. Both times I carefully picked him up and placed him outside in a fenced in empty storage area in the school’s play area. Why? Because he was a danger to himself and others. Whenever he got angry (for not getting his way) he would start throwing things and hitting people. The first time he had a tantrum with me while teaching him I picked him up in the middle of the tantrum and he was in a time-out in that empty fenced in storage area for 15 min. I immediately called the mother and explained what had happened and what I did. After she said she was okay with it I invited her to sit with me and the child after school so we could discuss some discipline strategies. The second time it took only 5 minutes before he calmed down and apologized. According to his mother, he didn’t have another tantrum again. That worked well till recently, when his father and mother began the process of separation.
So last night, while in the middle of the tantrum I stopped and held onto the boys hands and asked him calmly to step inside the facility (along with the child he hurt) I got someone with first aid training to take care of the little girl and escorted the boy to the Lobby/Waiting area and spoke to him in front of my son and other parents. He was still a bit wild and yelling and that’s when I told him if he didn’t calm down and stop kicking and throwing things I would take off my belt and offer it to his mother so that she could pull down his pants and use it to tan his bottom. Looking around and seeing his school friends and the parents staring at him he began to calm himself down. His mother just stood there speechless and in shock not knowing what to do.
This morning in discussing what happened with the childless/single co-worker, I told her how things ended and she asked me to stop and said, “I can’t talk to you any longer, your disciplining methods are simply barbaric.” So there you have it folks, I’m a barbarian. When I asked what she would have done? She said she simply would have talked to the kid. My response, “Oh, just like his mother. And that’s working out so well for her!” I said in a very sarcastic voice as I rolled my eyes and walked away. This from a woman who yells and throws things at her pets, and whose puppy I had to train so he would stop pooping all over the house. Yeah, she’s a roll model.
For the record, I’ve never had to use the belt with my son, I have taken it out only twice in my son’s lifetime, but my stare is intimidating enough for him to immediately stop his bad behavior and apologize as he goes to the corner to put himself in time-out. The most severe punishment I’ve ever had to inflict in his 7 years, is to have him kneel during a 5 min. time-out. Since then the threat of time-outs is enough to curb all wayward behavior.
That combined with some REALLY unbelievable msm news items this morning made me use some very unlady-like language. I'm glad Brian wrote about his reaction in a more gentlemanly way. Soooo, do you think I'm barbaric too?
Posted by Michele at May 10, 2007 08:44 AMOh my - the childless child expert. She has such vast experience to draw upon... all those kids she... oops - there haven't been any have there - guess that's what makes her such an expert.
As for a child having tantrums (the child that is not your own...) immediate separation from everyone. Tantrums are meant to draw attention. No attention and the tantrum dies down. Once the child isn't acting out any more - then other disciplinary measures are called for. That's when the time outs and groundings have an effect. Talking to a kid having a tantrum is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
If you don't have a separate place to take the kid throwing a tantrum - then you have to figure out a way to shock them into stopping - I think your method was pretty effective *grin*.
Your co-worker is a total idiot. But I've only raised 2 kids (one of whom was an expert tantrum thrower) - so what do I know... heh.
Posted by: Teresa at May 10, 2007 10:04 AMWas Conan your brother?
Ummm, your co-worker is an idiot. I've seen the end results of some children growing into adults who have been spared the rod, so to speak. It's not pretty folks.
Posted by: Dazd at May 10, 2007 10:44 AMgood for you, Michele.
I'll bail you out when your idiot co-worker calls the cops on you for threatening "child abuse". (I hope the sarcasm and disgust at your co-worker come through in that sentence)
It drives me up a farookin wall when parental units do not discipline their children. Hubby's cousin's kids are holy terrors. I do not allow them inside my house because they are screamers and destructive monsters.
My step-daughter is no angel, but she is a good kid over all. And we've never had major problems with her. The biggest thing we're currently dealing with is she's 10, pre-teen, and turning into a real smart alec. And sometimes she's mean-spirited. I anticipate rocky teen years.
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at May 10, 2007 11:01 AMIf you are a bararian, then I'd hate to think what I am.........
Posted by: Tammi at May 10, 2007 12:02 PMI haven't posted it yet, but I'll put it out here. I'm having serious issues with discipling Tot. The times out don't work. Nor the 'rewards for good behavior'. And usually a spanking won't work. For those who think the worse, a spanking from me is usually butt bare and one good slap... something he will remember and only once. Last time, I sprayed him with cold/cool water. Soaked him with the kitchen sink sprayer. He was kicking the living sh.t out of his brother and refused to stop. He hated the water. I'm sure your friend would consider that just as barbaric. But it worked. He has hit and pinched and kicked his brother... but ONLY in the car where I can't get to him. I am considering getting a spray bottle. I think you did a great job. Wish you lived near me and could help me ith Tot.
Posted by: vw bug at May 10, 2007 02:38 PMTime outs? Pffft. When we misbehaved when I was growing up we didn't have time outs, we had black outs.
Posted by: Tuning Spork at May 10, 2007 11:11 PMmmmm... barbarian women...
http://space.unh.edu/~djl/DRAGON/dc2001/ROLL3/PREVIEWS/PRE02.JPG
Posted by: Harvey at May 11, 2007 01:18 AMI just have to get this out there ..
Just because someone is childless doesn't mean they don't know how to care for or discipline a child.
Ok now ...
What you did is right on with me. Growing up there was the 2" wide leather belt (with holes) and after being spanked by it just once we knew the threat of it was enough to get us to calm down.
Alot of kids, when in a state, won't listen to reason or listen to words. Physical action is what is needed. I am not condoning violence but sometimes restraint or a slap on the ass is what is needed to bring the hysterical child back to earth.
Posted by: Quality Weenie at May 11, 2007 04:34 PMQW, you're absolutely right, being childless is not an indicator of parental abilities or lack thereof. That's why I shared about the pets too. It's always been my belief that a person that can't relate to pets are usually unable to relate to people, especially little people.
And this person is bad with both. She doesn't talk to them or manage behavior... nope she yells and throws things at them in a very abusive way. I wouldn't let her babysit my son, if my life depended on it. So, that's what I was trying to get across.
Posted by: michele at May 11, 2007 08:04 PMNo! The women hasn't a clue...
Posted by: Edd at May 12, 2007 05:03 AMIf that was barbaric; then I wonder what I am. When mine were little I had a bush in the yard that they had to chose their whipping switch from. Yep, they had to cut it off and bring it in to me. Pants down, one swipe across the back of the legs usually did it. Three if it was really serious.
Posted by: Tink at May 13, 2007 09:25 AMPeople use the word "Barbarian" as if it were a BAD thing.... :)
Posted by: Graumagus at May 15, 2007 01:41 PM