Letters from NYC

Bah Humbug!

Sorry, I'm having an adverse reaction to this day. If you don't want to hear cynicism wrapped in truth in reaction to the "Family Day" campaign, then I suggest you move along.

First of all, if you need societal pressure and a friekin' day during the entire year to remind you to spend time with your family, then this entire day is wasted on you. I'm Really Sorry Tammi, but this post is aimed at those that actually need tips and conversation starters and a pledge before sitting down to dinner with their family. If you want to know how a family dinner is supposed to be, then go read Tammi's post. Afterwards, come back and continue reading.

If you need reminders that it's important for your family to sit down at the dinner table together, then you might as well give up now and decide to live with chimps because they can definitely show you what family bonding is about and you might fair better than having a tv station trying to instill values in you.

I for one don't need Hallmark or a TV station to tell me to have dinner with my son or to declare for me its a "Family day". Nope, in fact I'm rather insulted. I took my obligation as a parent so seriously when I became pregnant that I left a job that I absolutely loved so that I could provide for all of my son's needs: physical, emotional and spiritual. Since then, all my choices, both professional and social, have been about not what's best for me, but what's best for my son and I as a family. Sacrifices, like challenges and successes are all shared.

Everyone who comes through our door to stay for any length of time gets enfolded into our small family circle. As a result, they're made a part of our weekly family meetings and outings. The same rules and adherence to values apply for everyone who enters our home. These values and rules are visibly posted for all to see. They are our life guidelines and rules for family cohesion. Before anyone comes to visit I email them our life guidelines and let them know that if they stay with us they will be expected to abide by them. The same discipline rules that apply to my son apply to me, and anyone visiting (no matter the age). I was forced one day to ask my sister to leave my house and not return until her thinking, mouth, hands and attitude were in spiritual agreement with those guidelines. She has never returned, instead she chooses to be a disruptive, destructive and negative influence everywhere she goes.

I am a caring, patient and loving individual, but there are some basic courtesies that in my book ALWAYS NEED TO BE OBSERVED: It begins and ends with respect and tolerance of others.

That being said, lets say there is a family who will actually listen to those tv execs and instead of flippin’ the channel to look at something else will actually have dinner together for the first time. What is the likelihood that they’ll do it later on in the week or perhaps the following week. Wanna Guess? I’ll spare your neurons and tell you. The sad reality is that statistically if you’re not doing it now, you won’t. That’s right, and no amount of feel good commercials or TV campaigns will make a difference.

So, when your kid is hauled off to jail, or your son is found strung out with a needle in his arm, or humiliating and compromising pictures of your daughter are found on the internet for all to see, don’t look to the courts, the state, the schools, your family or spouse to blame or seek help from, because at that point, it’ll be too damn late! The time you should have tried to spend and guide them is from the beginning. The time you should have made so they don’t wind up in jail or feeling worthless is when they’re 3 and beginning to develop an understanding between right and wrong and the consequences of their actions. If you think that a little dinner once or twice a year is going to make up for the weeks and months of neglect, or the need for mentors like me, then I suggest you should take a good look at your kids now because you’ve already failed them… big time.

So with that awareness, if you choose to turn off the tv, I suggest you consider, after the dinner and perhaps a board game, if you enjoyed each other’s company you make a concrete plan on a family plan of how you’re going to do family time consistently a couple of times a week and discuss what core values your family is going to live by. Because being hopeful or occasionally loving, a board game and a few dinners will never be enough to keep a family together.

Posted by Michele at September 25, 2006 01:52 PM | TrackBack