September 07, 2006


I want to thank you all for the kind and supportive messages you left and emailed. Your words are a healing balm for my soul.

My 9/11 will forever be the day after Labor Day, and this past Tuesday was just as emotional as the first anniversary. Today I know that grief, like healing,is an extraordinary process which takes a very long time to work through .

In the first months following 9/11 I was beyond numb. My spirit and heart had been buried deep under the weight of the collapsed rubble at ground zero. I was a spiritless soul whose hollowed existence somehow continued moving forward, in spite of my overwhelming loss.

It seems that God, in his infinite wisdom and love, had known I would need a very strong reason to continue living after such a tragic loss. My son was sent a few years earlier, as the emissary of his hope and love, and in a way as my personal savior. It was he that would ensure I'd somehow find my way back to the land of the living. Now that I'm finally able to cry, I can see that tears are very necessary. They are cathartic and cleansing. They are also very welcome, for they release the pain and help me mourn my loss completely and physically.

Writing what I did yesterday helped me open up that valve and release the inmense sadness that had been welling up inside me recently. Ironically, it was Mike who once told me that tears were droplets of sadness flowing out of our souls, a spiritual and physical way for us to release our inner most pain.

Along the way, I returned to my online writing as way to cope with the sadness, end the silence and shatter the isolation that had engulfed me. Early on I was taken under the wing by 2 incredible men: Harvey and Sgt. Hook. They watched over me, nurtured my spirit, and made me a part of an incredibly large and growing family. As you all stopped by to visit, I ceased being an empty shell and my spirit began to be fed with your words. But as you continued visiting and began interacting with me I became afraid. I'm still afraid. I'm afraid that in our interaction I'll grow to deeply car once again, fueling the potential for more loss and heartache. But in looking back I recognize that my healing can't be complete unless I force myself to venture out and greet your hand with mine.

As time passes and the pain lessens, the burden of grief begins to be lifted. All of this comes from me choosing daily not to live in isolation. In your words, your visits and extended spirits I heal. Your kindess, support and caring words go very far in putting back together a life that was almost destroyed by hatred. My own words will never be able to convey the depth of gratitude I feel or show the healing that has taken hold in my soul. Suffice it to say it's there. Know that I am the person who I am today because of all of your words.

My words of thanks are simple, God bless you all for your kindness and thoughtfullness. For your words are the fuel that feed my spirit. Today, that is all I have and want.

Thank you!

Posted by Michele at September 7, 2006 09:50 PM | TrackBack


I read your entry the other day, and had to walk outside, and play with my childre...

tears, and a feeling of helplessness as well. Wanting you to know I read it..

I am unable to find any words at this time, to convey my sympathy and pain...

Please know prayers were offerred up to the heavens...

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at September 8, 2006 10:04 AM