Letters from NYC

Density Correlation Function

There have been a few times when I’ve been so sleep deprived that invariably the level of sleep deprivation causes a density in my brain which renders me unable to think properly, thereby creating really bad or sticky situations.

Well, there I was in the ER with my son as they were checking him out when they noticed that his throat was a bit red and inflamed. So they decided to do a throat culture.
Normally, when we go to my son’s pediatrician, his doctor demonstrates what it entails by swabbing my throat first. When my son sees that I’m okay, he submits to the procedure without a problem. So my son negotiates with the Resident sent in to do the culture to swab me first. Once he agrees he approaches me with the swab.

Being a very compliant patient I open my mouth wide and wait for him to swipe it against my throat. After he’s done he says (mostly to himself), “Wow, that’s amazing.” My son, thinking something’s wrong, quickly asks “What’s amazing?”

Struggling to find words he stammers, “Oh… uh… eh… your mom… [he then smiles] she’s a great patient. Now open wide just like mommy.”

He leaves us and we go back to coloring in the coloring book. From where I sat I could see him consulting with some of his colleagues and pointing in our direction. I’m not overly concerned as we’re both finally in good health, except for the metal ball temporarily lodged in my son’s stomach.

The Resident returns 5 minutes later with 2 of his colleagues and explains that given what had gone on at my office (an outbreak of Infectious Mono between the legal interns and analysts) they decided to test me as well just to be on the safe side.

As the Resident raised his hand to my mouth I asked why 2 swabs. He explained they needed to do 2 separate tests, one on each tonsil. So I opened my mouth wide to let him swab away. The 2 guys behind him bent down to look over each of his shoulders. One was making himself useful by holding the penlight to illuminate my throat.

After swabbing both tonsils, the guy without the flashlight, says out loud, “We should also swab the back of her throat…” They all looked at each other silently for a couple of seconds, I guess to think over this proposal. The lead Resident then asks, “Is that okay?”

I nodded yes, and opened my mouth once again. They swabbed the back of my throat a few extra times and then collected all the covered specimens and left without saying a word. Once outside the room I overheard one say “Wow, that’s amazing, I’ve never seen that, she had no gag reflex!”

When Colin (my co-blogger) called today to check up on me and my son I was truly touched. He asked for details of how things had gone. Having a boatload of doctors in his family, meant that he had some idea if anything else needed to be done. He listened carefully and only interrupted to ask questions when clarification was needed. That was until I got to the Resident’s comment. At that moment he busted out laughing with such a hearty laughter that I was left confused as to what was so funny. He must have laughed for a good five minutes before he was able to calm himself down and I could ask him what had been so funny.

He paused briefly to consider my question before asking, “Michele…. you really don’t know what’s so funny?

I hesitated in answering because I was just too tired to think clearly. I hate it when I’m the last person to get a joke, and today, my grey matter was total concrete. So I tried to think hard what about “gag reflex” could possibly make Colin laugh so hard, especially knowing his proclivity for sexual humor… and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Hearing my long loud gasp he begins to laugh once again, and stops just long enough to say “that’s priceless” and for me to say an indignant “Later” and hang up. I was so embarrassed I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. Now that a few hours have passed I do see the humor in it.

Now it’s off to bed with me to ensure I get enough sleep so my non-gag reflexes don’t cause me any more embarrassing moments.

Posted by Michele at October 4, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack