Letters from NYC

The Men in My Life

In some ways I have been a very lucky girl! From very early on in my life I lived in an environment where women’s roles and lives were limited by those around them. I wanted more. I wanted the freedom, fun and excitement of a man’s life.

As the women in my life tried to curb my independence and exuberance for life, the men in my life (my track, volleyball and softball coaches) fostered in me a sense of independence, drive, competitiveness, and lots of leadership qualities that have served me well to this day. They created and provided a solid foundation for my life. Had my dad not been too busy with his business and congregation he would have joined the women in the restraint and reformation of Michele. When my dad finally did notice I was too much of a tomboy for his taste, so I was sent off to be under the supervision of a distant relative at a convent school. This was followed by an all girls high school. I thought it would not be fun but I was wrong. Our brother school was an all boy military academy, incredible boys each one of them. I also went to a martial arts school where I was one of 4 girls.

In high school I was a member of the choir and student government, as well as the tennis, gymnastics, and volleyball teams. All were supervised by male teachers or coaches, so their influence on my life continued. From all of them I learned about integrity, responsibility, honesty, living up to my duty and life potential.

In college things shifted a bit. I came under the influence of both men and women (members of the left wing liberal bastion) who tried to teach me that everything wrong with our society, government, or our world, could be blamed on men. After a lot of soul searching I affirmed what I knew to be true, that everything that was right in my life was as a result of the men in my life, so I rejected their teachings.

Around that time I was adopted by a group of guys who became like big brothers to me. They were awesome and became almost life long friends. Through out the years they weaved in and out of my life, whenever I lived in NY and hung around them long enough to absorb some wonderful life lessons

In retrospect, the some of the bad relationships I had in my life had to do more with not following the instincts and examples of the men in my life and instead being led by what the women in my life taught me and told me I needed to focus on. I accept full responsibility for being led astray. It was my favorite college professor who taught me I had an obligation to fulfill my potential. He was the one that changed my life by daring me to follow my own dreams rather than those that were set out by my family. It was he who taught me, out of the many examples of strong women in literature who bucked trends and became independent to forge my own path, follow my heart and if need be – go it alone.

When I finally left school and got married there was a lull, in terms of being inspired by men. It’s sad to admit, but it’s true. Then I found myself a single mom with a little boy and suddenly all those life lessons from all these men came to life within me. I was forced to go it alone and I did so without fear. I was prepared to be both mom and dad, and felt I didn’t have to have any man in my life to raise my son. I felt I had everything I needed within me, that was until I had to potty train my son and had to teach him how to pee in the toilet.

That was a life changing moment for me. That’s when I realized that the sins of my husband were not the sins of all men and that I had been depriving my son of having the same wonderful formative character building experiences I had had with men. So I made a point to correct that. It was my friend Mike who started began to teach him, by example how to pee. Today he only has 2 male roll models, his music and swim teacher, but both have enough patience and character and have helped him start the journey.

I on the other hand continue my journey by being inspired by incredible bloggers. In time, my son will also learn to be a wonderful man of character and integrity. Then he too will have the opportunity to shape the lives of others, continuing the cycle of the men in our lives. To me, that’s what being a father is all about, fostering incredible qualities in young people and becoming a male role model while doing so.

Happy Fathers Day to all the men who have influenced my life and to those who visit here! This post is to show you how you don't need to have children to be a father and influence their lives.

Posted by Michele at June 18, 2005 11:05 AM