Letters from NYC

Dear Mike - Happy Birthday

You’ve been coming up in conversation quite a bit lately. My mom and sister, forgetting you were dead, asked how you were during my last visit. Being tired and stressed out from cuddlebunny being very sick, and being run down from round the clock care and giving meds didn’t help. I simply couldn’t answer at first. Instead of formulating the words “he’s dead”, as I’d done before, I just simply broke down and cried. They panicked for a bit, because I really couldn’t talk for a while. I think that my reaction brought your death home to them. I don’t think they’ll be asking for you again.

Up until that point I hadn’t realized how much I’ve missing you. After each interview I wished I could have called you to let you know how things had gone. Instead, I got online and visited my blog family and sprinkled comments everywhere. You would like all of them. They're funny, smart, and interesting. Some have the same sense of humor you do. I have to say that in your honor I’ve been visiting one site in particular called Madfish Willie’s Cyber Saloon. It kind of defies description. It’s the kind of place you used to drink with your buddies before you left the Fire Dept. You know, the bar you’d ask me not to go into but instead to meet you at the corner. Yep, it’s that kind of a place; all are funny, some are bawdy, the drunks are surly, and a very few are lewd. While their outrageous humor shocks me just enough to not visit too often, most jokes are not so naughty that they prevent me from laughing.

Visiting all these wonderful people has helped me stay in the land of the vibrantly living and moved me beyond the present and looking towards a brighter future. I’ve even begun forming close bonds with a few. The blessing is that it's slow going and at a distance. You know how I am, mostly a solitary creature; if it hadn’t been for you adopting me we probably wouldn’t even had become friends. Well, last summer I was adopted into this family and they’ve all helped with my healing since then. It all started with Sgt Hook posting the letters I sent to him. Shortly after that, Harvey read them and found me living in some lousy conditions at this awful blogging ghetto and helped find me a nice new home. Nice digs don’t you think! I eventually grew on him, as you used to say - like fungus, and he adopted me. I guess I would have eventually started coming out of the dark on my own. But as you know, writing just helped me heal faster than most. Since my first site incarnation I’ve managed to really come into the light with their help.

In rereading this letter I realized that this post, in a way, is like our birthday celebration. Your 46, my site is 1yr old, and me, well, I’m still young at heart. Though I will not be going to the circus, and I will not be picking up cupcakes from Mrs. Beasley’s to celebrate, I will do something fun in your memory. Still can’t think of what it might be, but it will be a remembrance nonetheless. Maybe I’ll get some help setting up a page for a 24hr online jokathon like you once wanted me to do to benefit the MS and Leukemia societies. But although I was stumped back then as to how to collect money online, I just thought of a possiblity that might work. Hmmmmm, gotta think about this some more. Wow, thanks for the idea kiddo. I can see you’re still telling me what you want me to do!

Well, I hope you continue watching over me from heaven, because as you’ve seen, I can still get in over my head sometimes here on earth. Oh by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY sans le cupcake!!!

Loving you always!
M/

Posted by Michele at May 24, 2005 02:57 PM