May 17, 2005

Uncle Walter comes clean

Here's an excerpt of a letter I found interesting enough to reprint from Huffington's Toast, that was sent from N.R.Walter Cronkite. It seems Ariana Huffington has turned to him in the wake of reviews that trammel her site from receiving the recognition she deserves.

My darling blog-”niece” Arianna,

You’ve asked your old “Uncle Walter” how to solve the problem of the network news...

And speaking [of equating defeatism with patriotism], did it ever strike you as odd how remarkably uncurious the media is to get to the bottom of the Bush Air National Guard Memo story? Ask yourself this: “Who stands to gain?”

Yes, that’s right, Arianna–that’s exactly what I’m saying; I AM Lucy Ramirez! (I’m only telling you this here because no one reads these new-fangled ‘blog’-thingies.)

I typed out those memos on my 1972 Rosemary Woods Model Selectric…and Dan [Rather] and Mary sucked them up like a crack ho on a 5-dollar rock. And now Little Danny has been shipped off to that televised retirement home they called “60 Minutes”…and my old job has opened back up!

So, dear, to answer your question, what’s the solution to the problem of the National Media?

I am. Me. Walter F. Farkin’ Cronkite, THE GREATEST JOURNALIST WHO EVER LIVED!!! THAT’S RIGHT PEOPLE I’M BACK, SO BITCHES, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!! I HELPED US LOSE ONE WAR AND I CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!!! AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!!!!!!!! NOBODY CAN STOP ME!!!!!!!!!! NOBODY, DO YOU HEAR ME?????? …MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that’s the way it is.

Posted by Michele at May 17, 2005 12:28 AM
Comments

Great job! :-)

Posted by: Sissy at May 17, 2005 07:04 PM

heh

Posted by: _Jon at May 18, 2005 11:44 AM