Letters from NYC

The Demise of a Relationship

Frank of IMAO and Sarah of Mountaineer Musings, have officially declared their love for each other by becoming engaged. I must be the only one not surprised by what I thought was a wonderful natural course of events. From reading their websites on an occasional basis I could tell how much love they have for each other.

My dear Blog Father wrote 2 wonderful posts (Free Advice and Helpful Wedding Advice) in an attempt to enlighten and prepare the happy couple. I read some of the comments that were left (some are very funny), and thought about what they need to guard against. It is something that is not easily noticed, the slow and almost imperceptible death of a relationship. Here's my humble experience on the sign posts and how to avoid them once you spot them.

It begins with the personal shift from the “we” to the "me". It then moves on to taking your loved one for granted. As they begin to slip in importance and priority, the career, the children and financial goals take precedence, while your loved ones wait to regain lost footing.

The impending death is then helped along by being “apart from” instead of being “a part of” their loved one's life. The drifting that occurs over time, when the spontaneity has been lost, and you no longer remember the sparks that ignited your passion, is a sure sign of the moribund state of love. That slow insidious death is what they have to make sure never begins to take hold in their relationship.

If they can remember to start dating after they marry, if they can still hold each other with affection and look into each other’s eyes and tell each other how special they are and what they mean to each other often; if they can find compromises that will work for the greater good rather than for the benefit of any one and still be able to let go without regret or ego, then they are well on their way to a good start.

The rest is simply caring enough, being always present, honoring each other and being each other’s best friend.